and i found to be true:
human relationships and interaction seem to be based on what we 'do' together and where the interests in 'doing' overlap is where we meet our friends.
so even though, we're saying 'be together' it really is 'do together' because we're drinking together, fucking together, traveling together, taking drugs together, watching movies together, but we're not so much interested in 'being together' because that would actually mean having to let go of learned behavioural patterns and programs or, if you want to put it that way, ourselves in order to be fully present with another person, which seems much too complicated to even try.
wether it is a friendship or a romatic relationship, it seems like we're always looking for something in somebody else that we can relate to or recognise ourselves in. it is always about our self in the first place. a hole that we want another person to fill, a role model, an admirer, a victim. somebody who produces a certain feeling in us.
we also fail to do something as simple as listening to another person, because we constantly compare what we know against what we hear or judge what is said based on the experience we have made on whatever the subject.
or we agree, or disagree... or often even think about something different entirely. because the most precious thing we know, the me, the i, the ego, doesn't allow us to be put aside. not even for the briefest moment of compassion or genuine interest. why is that?
because it has to keep up the make-believe show that demonstrates to the 'outside world' who 'we are'. so basically, we are living in a constant state of separation. there's a very distinctive demarcation line between us and every other human being. installed by us in order to make sure, beyond any doubt, that we are percieved as unique and we almost never show our true selves.
we rather present an image, a self-projection, what we want other people to see in us because we hope to therefore be interesting or special or rewarded with attention which we so desperately need to feed said egos. because that's what we all want, don't we? we want to be recognised, to be loved... and rightly so. at the same time though it seems almost impossible for us to give genuine love to somebody else freely, because we are concerned that we're not getting back what we put into it. that we end up investing emotions and not getting an equal payback.
things like friendship are measured by the amount of times we are called, the presents we get, how often we are invited, etc.
based on these facts we make decsions how often we call somebody, buy them presents, invite people. it's like a business.
and at the same time it is a perfect means to keep us constantly unhappy because of course nobody will ever be able to permanently live up to our needs and standards and expectations. that's another huge thing: expectations. arent we constantly expected to do something, go somewhere or even to be somebody else than who we want to be? just to please another person or not to lose something which we had to work for so hard in order to earn it. like the friendship of someone for example or the love of a partner or even a parent. we are doing things because we are expected to. and, staying in that twisted logic, that buys us the right to expect something in return. and so the whole thing spirals and spirals in an endless vortex of hurt feelings, expectations that haven't been met and so forth until it leads to a general dissapointment and ultimately it depresses us. because we cannot figure out why nobody loves us in our so painstakingly built place of isolation and separation that looks so nice and shiny from the outside.
and that depression leads to us seeking for some kind of magic bullet, some substance or formula or religion or philosophy. something, anything that has the potency to take away the tremendous pain and loneliness because it is unbearable for us. that's what our society is like, right? for every problem there's instantly either a chemical or a spiritual solution being offered. we're basically constantly fighting the effect and, not even for a moment, think about the cause.
because, again, it seems too dificult, or too painful, or too exhausting or whatever. and we're not brought up that way. nobody ever taught us to observe a problem, to stand it, about the incredible opportunity to learn from an experience by embracing our emotions in a non-judgemental fashion. no, problems need to be solved by fighting them and thus we create even more conflict in ourselves. no matter what the problem is we are probably experiencing it so we become aware that there is some kind of malfucntion that's happening in our system. but screw that, we rather just drop a pill or wash it down and hope for it to go away in the most pleasant and covenient way. no need to waste precious time that can be spend on more important things like ..... whatever the hell we think is more important than facing ourselves.
whatever gives us pleasure or satisfaction really or feeds a desire or a drive or an addiction.
and, naturally, everybody is first in line to pass their judgement about anything and anybody. we all have an opinion about every damn thing in the world. and we communicate about it constantly to demonstrate how knowledgable we are and to impress people when in reality all we are doing is repress what is really important. we are all psychologists when in comes to judging other people, but when looking at ourselves we are oblivious and ignorant and hypocritical or, even worse, destructive and comparative. so how can we possibly be fair and compassionate in looking at somebody else? a friend, a lover or a stranger if we fail to foster truth and respect in order to look at ourselves with clarity.
thank you so much.
ich habs versucht... hätte es aber nicht besser sagen können.